Season 0-Fanfic
by SeaJade
Summary: Martians? No, no, no. Those are Venusians. Haruhi, you have just destroyed logic.


Hey all you guys. SeaJade here. I just watched the anime of this series and realized how awesome it is. Now, I know I won't be able to capture the full genius of the actual thing but I am trying to do my best. Thank you and please enjoy whole heartedly.

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><p><em>Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep...<em>

_Come on, just a little longer..._

_Beep...Beep...Beep...Beep..._

_Just a few more minutessszzz..._

_Beep...Beep...Bee-Click_

My hand flew up subconsciously and exterminated the epitome of annoyance.

_All right, all right I'm up._

I gave a yawn and raised my arms above my head, before quickly stashing them back into the haven of the sheet.

_Actually no, too cold, more sleep._

"Kyuuuuun, time to wake uuup."

I barely stirred at my little sister's callings. _Go away, I need sleep._ However, in the next second, I felt the strong pull on my sheets that sent me crashing to the floor. _What did she eat to get that strong?_

"Shammie, Shammie. Time for breakfast. You too Kyun mom wants you to get up."

I gave a half-hearted grunt as my sister walked out of the room chanting our cat's name. _Seriously, it should be illegal to get up this early. Maybe Haruhi could change that if I asked..._

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><p>Well, there was no such luck. I was late to school so there was on time to abuse the power of- I mean use the power of the girl sitting behind me for the benefit of the whole world. I had to wait all the way until break before I got a chance to talk to her.<p>

Finally, it was break. We stood up and gave the everyday thanks to our teacher. Immediately, I turned around. Mission: to make Haruhi believe that getting up early was a bad thing.

"Hey Haruhi," I asked

"What is it Kyon?" she asked, not looking up from the meal she was preparing to devour.

_Ok, I've got to pass this off normally_, "You know, don't you think school requires us to wake up to early? I mean, if we got even four more hours of sleep, we would be able to function so much better in class, right? And we would be more aware for the SOS brigade activities! Don't you think that waking up early should just be a crime?"

_Comeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeon_.

"Hmmm..."

_Comeoncomeoncomeoncomeon._

"No."

_Nooooooooooooo! Whyyyyyyy?_

As if she could read minds, which I would be that surprised if I could, Haruhi said, "I mean if we woke up later then school would get out later, and if school gets out later than the SOS brigade starts later, and if the SOS brigade starts later then we have four less hours to do what we want to do! And I would have four less hours as Brigade leader and that would be no fun at all!"

_Wait. What _we_ want to do? Don't you mean what _you_ want to do? And who would find that no fun besides you? Basically, you want to sacrifice sleep for ordering us around?...Whatever._

"Anyway," the girl continued, "I've got something planned today so don't be late to the club room or it's the death penalty!"

And with that we skip to after school, everything that happened in between is has apparently been considered not important enough to go into detail over. I'll leave what happened up to your imaginations.

Anyway, I reached the former literary club clubroom and gave a few courteous knocks on the door. Can't risk seeing Ms. Asahina changing can I...can I?

As I stood weighing my options I heard a voice call "come in." Oh well. I grabbed the door and opened it to see Haruhi sitting at her desk as usual, Ms. Asahina was standing in her jaw-dropping maid costume, Koizumi was sitting at the table, per usual, shuffling a deck of cards, and Nagato was...Nagato was...not there.

"You're late," said the female who basically had unconscious controlled the universe.

Wait what? I'm not even the last one here! And you gave no specific time to be here for me to even be late.

Once again, _I promise she can read minds, _she had the perfect answer...perfect and answer both being up for debate, "If you arrive after me, you're late. Well, you're not the last one to arrive so I guess you get off this time."

Yeah, where is Nagato? She's always sitting right there, in that corner reading one book or another.

"Oh, well, I guess we'll just wait," I heard Haruhi say, "we can't really start without her."

"Tea?" Suddenly, a goddess in a maid uniform appeared right beside me holding a tray with some cups of heavenly smelling tea.

"Yes please," I said eagerly.

_Oh Ms. Asahina, you are an angel...wait no, a goddess...or an angel...or a angel goddess?_

Whatever.

The tea, like usual, was absolutely delicious.

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><p>A while later, Koizumi and I were playing poker with Ms. Asahina, bless her heart, who just couldn't seem able to pull off a poker face. Haruhi looked lost in thought and Nagato still hadn't arrived yet.<p>

Suddenly, a slam caught my attention of Haruhi stood up._ Yeah, be a little more dramatic will you?_

"Where is she? She is soooo late! We won't be able to do what we want to do soon," Haruhi exclaimed.

Once again, _we_?

"Kyun, go find her," she ordered.

"Whaat?" I asked.

"As SOS brigade's leader, I command you to find Yuki Nagato posthence and bring her back here, immediately."

_One, I think your thinking of "post-haste". Two, using it along with "immediately" doesn't make it seem that you know what it means. You probably just wanted to sound cool._

"And you expect me to find her all by myself before the day ends with no idea where she could be." I said, already knowing the answer.

"Yup." _Knew it..._

"If I may," Koizumi spoke up. _Weird, he isn't the one to normally speak up, is something wrong?_

With a nod of her head, Koizumi received her permission, "Miss Suzumiya, it would be faster if we all looked around together. That way we could find her faster and have a higher chance of getting back in time to do what we all want to do today."

Seriously? What is up with the _we_'s? Speak for yourselves people.

Haruhi pondered his suggestion for a moment.

"I believe that would be the best option as well." Ah, that perfect voice which came out of Ms. Asahina's perfect voicebox.

"Well then, it's unanimous. As of right now, our comrade is more important than what we all really want to do. So, we will be commencing mission: Rescue Yuki! Everyone split up and search the campus, she couldn't have gone too far."

Sheesh, you make this seem like this was your idea. But what are we going to do? The supreme dictator of our lives has spoken, and we must follow.

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><p>After about an hour of searching, I can safely say that we had combed the whole campus looking for Ms. Nagato. We reconvened back at the club room. One member short.<p>

"Where is Ms. Asahina?" Koizumi asked.

Ms. Asahina! I have failed you! Please be safe, Please!

"Maybe I went a little to hard on teaching her to be clumsy and now she get's lost everywhere she goes." Haruhi said.

That's not funny! Please don't believe that, please don't believe that.

"Or maybe they both got taken by Martians in UFO's..." Haruhi said with her hand to her chin.

That's even worse! Koizumi and I exchanged glances. If Haruhi actually believed that Martians had kidnapped them even slightly, deep within her, then that would become what happened. Ms. Nagato and Ms. Asahina were kidnapped by Martians.

Between the two of us, Koizumi and I persuaded Haruhi to once again search the school campus for our now two missing brigade members. Somehow, Koizumi and I both ended up looking on the track field looking for them.

"I just saw Ms. Suzumiya heading to the other side of campus so we should be able to talk here." Koizumi informed me.

Great.

"Do you think that Haruhi has now dreamed up Martians?" I asked

"I don't know," he responded, "but I do know that if she has, then we might have to go to Mars to get them back."

"But Nagato has power. How could she be captured by a bunch of Martians?"

Ms. Nagato wasn't the one who worried me though, Ms. Asahina was. Unlike the other's, she had no special powers she could use to protect herself with...unless she had a colored contact on...but that was too unlikely.

Koizumi gave his signature smile, "Once again, I'm afraid I don't know. Maybe Haruhi imagined the Martians to be even more powerful than someone like Ms. Nagato. Or maybe, however unlikely, Ms. Nagato has lost her powers. Anything could happen."

This is no time to be smiling! This is serious!

Just then, I blinding light came down from the sky. Koizumi and I both raised our hands to our eyes to shield them from the light that was coming down from the...U...F...O...

Wonderful.

We were soon surrounded by the typical green, tentacled, many eye creatures that every little kid knows to be Martians from Mars. Like Martians could be from anywhere but Mars.

There were about seven of them in all, cornering us, closing in.

"Be on your guard." Koizumi whispered to me.

Thanks, like I needed to know that.

Suddenly, there was a voice in my head, and by Koizumi's facial expression, he was hearing it too.

**We come in peace. We are Martians from Venus. **Wait. WHAT. Do you not know what MARtianS means? **We have decided that you two human Earthlings **(See! See! EARTHlings, from EARTH. Not from Saturn but EARTH.)** will carry out our will. We have come to make ourselves known and establish peaceful greetings with you. Now we must go.**

"Wait," I called out, "Did you kidnap two girls?"

**Girls? I am afraid I am not familiar with the term. We have not captured any human Earthlings. However, we have captured some white animal Earthling that make BAAAHHing noises. For research.**

"You mean sheep?" I asked.

**Is that what they are called? They are annoying...but necessary for research. We will be back again.**

And with that. Our encounter with Martians was over. But really Martians from Venus. Just no. Haruhi, you have officially messed up sanity and logic.

"Well, it appears that our Martian friends, though indeed real, have not kidnapped Ms. Nagato and Ms. Asahina. Which means that they are still around here somewhere." Koizumi said.

"But couldn't that have gone outside of the school?" I asked.

"I doubt it. I asked the guard at the gate if he saw them and I described them to him. He said that he didn't see anyone leaving that matched their description. So unless they jumped the fence, they are still here." He responded

"But wouldn't Nagato be able to just break the fence?" I asked.

"Yes, but remember, she doesn't do things like that without getting orders to. So I think it highly improbable that Ms. Nagato did that. And even so, where would Ms. Asahina be? Unless Ms. Nagato took her with her."

True, that didn't seem very likely at all. Still, I was worried.

"Anyway, let's head back to the clubroom and think things over." Koizumi offered.

I agreed. I mean, after meeting real Martians maybe Ms. Asahina really had gotten lost and had managed to make her way back to the clubroom by now.

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><p>We arrived there at the same time that Haruhi did funnily enough.<p>

"I couldn't find them anywhere!" she complained, "Not it's too late to do what we all really wanted to do! I checked and rechecked every club!"

_Pushing. Pushing._

Wait, Haruhi says that but there is one club that she probably overlooked. Considering the fact that I don't she see's anyone in that club more than tools...not that she sees ANYone more than tools, but this club especially.

"Hey Haruhi," I said.

"What," she briskly responded.

"Did you check the computer club?"

"Why would I check there? I don't have use of them yet."

"But you said that you checked every club."

"They're mine remember, they wouldn't be hiding one of our own from their leader."

See tools.

"Let's check anyway," I said, not waiting for an answer. I already had started walking towards the next door club room.

Haruhi grumbled but came along and Koizumi, ever smiling, was last. I paused for dramatic effect as my hand hovered over the doorknob.

"Just open it already!" Haruhi commanded.

Yes you're majesty.

I turned the doorknob and opened the door.

What we found was to be expected really. Nagato was sitting at one of the computer's typing away. The rest of the computer club, and Ms. Asahina, were standing behind her, mouth's wide open, watching Nagato's finger's fly.

"Excuse me!" Haruhi shouted.

At that, everyone in the room, minus Nagato, Koizumi and myself, all leapt back from shock.

"M-m-m-ms. Suzumiya," the frail computer club president stammered.

I feel sorry for him. Really, I do.

Haruhi marched towards him. "You, trying to sabotage my club by kidnapping members? I'll punish you! For that, you have to give me two of your newest computers!"

Wait, Haruhi, does it look like they were kidnapped? I mean, they worship the ground Nagato walks on, do you really think that they would kidnap her? And their leader is deathly afraid of Ms. Asahina so I doubt he would even think of kidnapping her. You inflicted mental trauma on both of them.

"We did no such thing! They came here on their own accord!" Their president said with background "yeah!'s" coming from his club members.

"I don't care what your excuses are. You wasted a whole day of the SOS brigade. You are now my slaves for life!" Haruhi demanded.

"What! NO, we did nothing wrong! Ask them!" The president was hysterical by now.

Yeah, I really feel sorry for him now.

"Um-" Ms. Asahina started to speak.

"What is it girl? Speak!" Haruhi said.

"W-well, what they're saying is true," Ms. Asahina looked down at the floor, "I, uh, did come here by my self."

"Same." Nagato said without looking up.

Haruhi puffed up her cheeks. Wow, she I forgot almost how cute she could be. "Fine." Then she turned back to the computer club who flinched under her gaze, "You're off this time. But I'm keeping my eye on you. Mikuru, Yuki, let's go."

"O-ok," Ms. Asahina said as she started towards the door.

Need help? You can grab my arm and lean on me.

Nagato quickly completed a few keystrokes and then stood up and left as well. I was the last one to leave, wondering what Nagato had been doing to get so much attention.

"I can't believe that she was able to not only beat the Embodiment of the Scarlet Devil on Lunatic without dying or using a bomb, but also Imperishable Night! And she was almost complete with Perfect Cherry Blossom on Lunatic as well." One of the computer club member's whispered.

"Yeah, inhuman," another answered.

_Embodiment of the Scarlet Devil? Imperishable Night? Perfect Cherry Blossom? What are those?_

I didn't really understand so I just shrugged an left. Sigh, what wasted day. All that worrying for nothing. At least nothing bad happened. That's good.

I entered the club room just as Haruhi was leaving.

"Oh, there you are. Anyway, it's too late now. Just go home and we'll do it tomorrow."

But it's Saturday tomorrow! So much for rest...not that I should be surprised by this.

Soon Asahina and Koizumi had left as well, so it was just Nagato and I as I was cleaning up my stuff.

Nagato was in her usual spot, reading. As I finished, she also stood up and put on her jacket.

"You were waiting for me?"

I didn't get an answer, but she did turn to look at me. Wow, this happened before, but not with this Nagato. What does it mean?

"Do you want to walk home together?" I asked.

Once again, all I got was a look. I headed out. And she followed me. I took a few steps and turned back when I realized that she wasn't following me.

Oh, duh. She had to wait for me to leave to lock the door. What was I thinking? Hah. Whatever.

She walked past me and also stopped, "Coming?"

I looked up startled. What did she just say? Did she ask me if I was going to go with her? Ah, I did ask didn't I.

I perked up and we started our walk home together. It was mainly quiet but I had walked with Nagato home once before and I wasn't bothered by it. In fact. I kind of liked it. She might not talk much, but she was still good company.

I walked her back to her house. And we said our goodbyes. I watched as the elevator doors closed and then turned and started my path home. She lived fairly close so I didn't have to walk much.

Well, I got home, did my homework, made and ate dinner, and then drifted off to sleep, wondering what diabolical plans Haruhi had for us the next day.

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><p>Well, I really do hope that you enjoyed. Anyway R and R. Oh please forgive me for any mistakes I would have made. Thank you.<p>

Ciao,

SeaJade


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